As of late, barely a day passes that I do not write. I remember when I was a kid and first learned the alphabet, I would scribble random combinations of letters on paper, simply because it felt like magic. To this day, that is still why I write. It just feels beautiful. Before my first computer, I would go into tech stores and get this huge buzz from just tapping away nonsense on the keyboards of the display laptops. On an even more embarrassing level, when I recently saw an old friend from primary school, she reminded me of the day I stole an exercise book from the class resource cupboard for writing stories in. I clearly came out of the womb with rebellion surging through my bloodstream.
Unfortunately, for both my creativity and my sanity, I have burnt up a lot of time and energy since graduating in a bit of a funk. I’ve been feeling uneasy about pleasing or disappointing people, and feeling pressure to find a “career” that is aligned with what I love and justifies all the time and money spent earning a degree. Any time I look at job vacancies however, I am left feeling more disheartened and confused than when I started, as if I’m playing with one of those toys trying to jam a circle peg into a square hole.
Sometimes I wish I had been born with a burning passion to work in law or accounting or medicine, something that at least has a clear path, but my heart lies elsewhere. I had actually planned on completing a degree conjoint with commerce as some sort of safety net, an attempt to “keep my options option”. Nobody was remotely surprised that I didn’t even make it to the first lecture before I had said goodbye to commerce. Just flipping through the information booklet made my skin crawl.
So, here is what I know for sure:
- My kindle and bookshelf are both loaded with books about love, courage and creativity. This is the stuff I am crazy about.
- These ideas are all much easier to read, think and talk about than to actually apply and put into practice.
- Despite point 2, I still believe in the power of love and courage with my whole heart. That love is why we are here.
- For a long time I have been thinking about starting a blog, but keep pushing the idea aside for fear I don’t have enough life experience, credibility or wisdom to write about some of the things I would like to.
However, the longer I sit around waiting until I feel ready or someone gives me the thumbs up, the more I realize that Lemony Snicket was right. If we wait until we are ready, we will be waiting for the rest of our lives. At some point you just have to take the leap.
I’m Erin. Welcome to Big Crazy Love.